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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Resurrecting my blog, once again.

Never, ever, ever, ever give up. Or something close to that. Winston Churchill.

I started with a lifestyle coach last night. I was kind of disappointed to get a guy; especially one who never struggles with weight and self-image. Howard. It was a pleasant conversation. Not very gung-ho. But he’s right about me having the tools, just need to get into the mental zone. I “want” to get healthy but am just not in the right zone to actually make it happen. I have to get to a enough is enough point. I think I’ve been there before but not for long. Next call is November 4th.

For this first month, I have small goals. First was to weigh-in which I did this morning. I had been avoiding it for awhile. But no more. And I only want to weigh in once a week. I don’t want to start that obsession and roller coaster again. Second is to get back to exercising again. My body hurts from lack of movement. Too much sitting. I think about it and just haven’t been able to get started. Last night, I put on my boots and walked the driveway three times with the dogs. I’ve also been trying to get the muscles stretching again. This morning, I dusted over the seat of the Airdyne. 10 minutes. I have to admit that it actually felt good.

The third goal is to get a grip on foods. And make conscious decisions on how I can cut out 250 calories a day. That’s my start. This morning, I only had one mug of cappuccino. I had oatmeal for breakfast. No more McDonalds, breakfast pizzas, or donuts with chocolate milk. Those are so not good and I usually feel like crap most of the morning anyway. I have my yogurt, pretzels, frozen dinner and salty bar. No more vending machine junk.

Last goal is more water. Get back off the diet coke.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Okay, I think I don’t like the “eat only when hungry” theory. I get too hungry and then eat stupid stuff. Like still with the pizza and Little Debbie crap. A fetish with ice cream is developing.

Let’s have a little realization about the pizza. At the work cafeteria, the pizza has too much tomato sauce that tastes somewhat burnt. Guess that’s a gourmet style pizza. I think I shall quit eating burnt tasting pizza. At Cleveland Gas, that pizza has zero flavor crust. I do love the melted cheese more than the crust. There is the embarrassment of always getting two slices and most of the time its the same guys at the checkout. I wonder what they are thinking with my two slices and a diet coke. And yes, I’ve even bought two cokes to make it look like its for two people. Okay, so if I am going to have that pizza occasionally, it has to be as a whole meal – not a snack on the way home to a meal. The same goes for the Casey’s pizza. It can’t be a snack. If I am hungry at either of these places, then I should be feeding my body with healthier protein choices. I’ll eat pizza, but it will be good pizza. Pizza that I don’t have to hide that I eat.

The other thing that I have done is to let the doctor’s voice overshadow mine. Ever since I found out she doesn’t like Medifast, I have been unfocused and discouraged. I was doing fairly well with the plan. Yes, there were those indiscretions but I felt good about myself. And since that conversation, I have put back about 5 pounds. I don’t feel good about that. And I’ve been eating all kinds of things – pizza, sweets, ice cream, etc.

There were aspects of the plan that I enjoyed. Mainly the shakes and the bars. I don’t have to do the Medifast but I can learn from that. I can develop my own plan that still works for me.

Morning: Milk and an egg, yogurt, oatmeal with nuts.
Lunch: Salad or soup with protein.
Afternoon: Apple and peanut butter.

I’ll have to think on this more as I’ll need to make sure that Ronnie has the food in the house.

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After almost five months, I am going off the Medifast. I lost twenty pounds over that time. I was doing fairly okay with it mentally until I found out my doctor was not at all in favor of the program. Then I lost momentum. And gained back a few pounds.

During this time, I became obsessed with having pizza for lunch instead of my meal. And with buying Little Debbie’s at the grocery store if I needed to stop there. It was like I needed to sabotage myself. I was never 100% on the medifast plan. Like I have never been 100% on any plan. Maybe deep in my heart, I still believe that I won’t be successful for the long term so why bother. Or else I’m just immature and feel the need to rebel and cause myself not to achieve what I really want to achieve. Like not wanting to take piano lessons so I rebelled against practicing and now I wish I had stuck with it.

I think there is a long pattern of wanting to do things but not really wanting to do the work to achieve it without at least sabotaging myself along the way.

Does that come from feeling inadequate? Who knows. Kind of stupid.

I’m reading Geneen Roth and her “Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating” book. I was intrigued after reading an article in a magazine. The first step to start listening to my body. Is it hungry? How does it feel after I eat? Give up dieting and following a “plan”. No more lists of legal foods.

Hmm, the fear of hunger, like the fear of loneliness, seems to be connected with emptiness, echoes, endless wanting. Okay, so I agree with that from when I was lonely but what the heck am I afraid of now?

What defines being hungry? Stomach growling? Headache? Shakiness? Sometimes hunger is really a need to drink water.

Step 1 is to keep a chart of what I eat, when I eat, and whether or not I was physically hungry (i.e. how did I feel at the time of eating)

7:30 – Medifast shake. Hungry
7:45 – Little Debbie Fancy Cakes. Not really hungry. They were there. 10:00 – Quaker Oatmeal. Mildly hungry.
11:45 – Cuban flatbread turkey & ham sandwich, red beans and whole wheat pasta. Hungry

Here we go, found this on the web.

Hunger signals can come from your stomach while it is informing you that it is
empty or from your brain as it informs you that it is lacking an energy supply.
Signals from your stomach may include growls, pangs, or hollow feelings.
Signals from your brain may include fogginess, lack of concentration, headache,
or fatigue. If you still are not sure whether you are truly hungry, try using
the following Hunger/Fullness Rating Scale.

10  Absolutely, positively stuffed
9    So full that it hurts
8    Very full and bloated
7    Starting to feel uncomfortable
6    Slightly overeaten
5    Perfectly comfortable
4    First signals that your body needs food
3    Strong signals to eat
2    Very hungry, irritable
1    Extreme hunger, dizziness

If you are at level 5 or above, you are not hungry and your body does not
physically need food. If you are craving a food, it is emotional, not physical.
If you are at level 3 or 4, your body is telling you that it needs some food,
and your cravings are telling you that you physically need food. If you are at
level 1 or 2, your body is too hungry and definitely physically needs food. The
problem with waiting until you get to this level is that you are so hungry that
you will probably overeat or eat something that is not as healthy.

The best time to eat is at level 3 or 4. At this point you are experiencing
physical hunger, and your body is telling you that you need food. You still
have enough control to eat healthful foods and control your portion sizes.

March 9, 2010

Maybe I can get to blogging again. I certainly need to talk to myself more. 🙂

Last night, Tina came over for a Health Coach meeting. It was a good talk. I see now how I manipulate the plans. How I test the boundaries of “cheating” and how I sabotage myself. I like the Medifast plan. I like the lack of having to plan and prepare. I don’t have time for all that nor the patience. The food isn’t bad either. I just need to stop dickin’ around with the plan and stick to it. Stop testing myself. Stop sabotaging myself.

So begins today with my determination to not go off the program for the rest of this month. I will first focus on today. No McDonald’s on the way home. No pizza at lunch. No Little Debbie’s at the grocery store. I can’t let myself get too hungry and set myself up for failure.

I had two shakes this morning. I think I need to stop doing two. I can do two but it doesn’t need to be at once. That stretches out the morning food too long.

My eating schedule is: 7:30; 10:30; 1:30; 4:30, lean and green by 7:00, and 9:00.

Today I will have six meals since I am planning on riding tonight. I had the dutch chocolate and strawberry creme shakes at 7:30. Yes that was a weird combo. I can have a bar at 10:30. Soup at 1:30 and another bar at 4:30 on the way to the barn.

The other thing I need to get to doing is getting in the 64 oz of water a day. If I can get that done during the day, then I can be free to drink diet coke at night.

Its all about choices and making choices that help me get to my goal or choices that derail me completely.

January 18, 2010

Woohoo, the official weigh-in for today is 266.8.  That’s down 8 pounds on medifast.  I’m thrilled for the progress.  I can feel the difference.  I’m encourange to keep going at this.

After reviewing my tidbits from the week before, I did much much better this week.  Until I got into the cake balls.  I’ve also had some regular meals on the weekend.  I think I want that.  It might slow down the loss somewhat but if I can lose a steady 2-3 pounds a week and still have a couple of extra regular meals, I think I will be happier.  But I won’t let myself cop out on that just yet.

This week my goal is to get exercise going again.  Pilates and stationary cycle.

January 11, 2010

Beginning week 3 of Medifast. Down 5 pounds. Would like that to be more.

Today I am really struggling with being hungry. That kind where I can think of nothing else and I’m cranky. And irritable. So far, I haven’t eaten off plan. But I want to eat my meals on hand all at once. I wasn’t this hungry at first. I was actually pretty satisfied the first week. I am surprised at how hungry and starved I feel.

I think I am going to give up my cappuccino starting tomorrow. Maybe the sugar in that is causing me problems. Even though I am not high in calories at the end of the day. I think I have been scoffing at adding in other things because I know that I am so low in calorie totals that I feel it is “okay” to add in a tidbit here and there.

Let’s recap my tidbits – small amount of chocolate after dinner, package of zingers on the way home, egg rolls on the drive home in the snow storm, a brownie, two cake balls, taste testing the walnuts, batter, chocolate chips, regular oatmeal. Then there was the Captain D’s lunch on Saturday and hubby wanted to make breakfast yesterday. What I don’t do on the weekend is to keep up with the meal replacements if I have eaten something else.

Just goes to show if you try to cheat the plan, it will kick you in the teeth.

This week, I want to be very faithful to the plan. So far, I am liking the taste of the meals. Except for the horrid peach oatmeal. I tried it again and that was just awful. I had to mix a packet of regular oatmeal in with it.

The real challenge this week will be in how to handle my meal times when I am going to be in meetings all day – even lunch time. I am a little concerned about that.

January 4, 2010

A new year. Last year flew by much too quickly.

Still on my journey with Medifast. I really believe this is going to work. This is my week two. I lost four pounds for my first week. And I had several things that weren’t MF. Like cookies, chips, and breakfast. What it did do was help me control my foods over the time at home. I did find myself hungry and looking for foods when I wasn’t following my normal daily MF food routine. But I did keep it all in mind and didn’t let myself completely throw it out the window. And while I was hungry a couple of times, I didn’t WANT to completely throw it out the window. Now I’m encouraged to see what I can accomplish this next week.

Breakfast this morning was the orange creme shake. Its doable. Hubby said it tasted somewhere been poop and applesauce. Geez, not that bad. Snack was apple cinnamon oatmeal. Lunch is the chicken & wild rice soup. That is really tasty. This afternoon I was having a bit of the hungries around 2:00. I ate the MF oatmeal and raisin bar. I think this is partially a mind trick where I always think I’m hungry while I’m sitting here at work.

So far, I don’t think I’ve had any excessive fatigue or side effects of starting on this plan. Its been kind of hard to tell since I was sick with a cold/sinus infection this same week.

Commitments to this program –
To eat the prescribed foods as planned.
To eat the lean and green meals as planned and, if hubby makes something not quite so lean and green, I will minimize the portion sizes. To take it in stride if I have an occasional off program meal. To log my foods and be accountable to myself. I will be honest with myself about what I am eating and why.
To include exercise and to be accountable to myself about exercise. I will be honest with myself about what exercise I am including daily. To use this journey as the catalyst to making the long-term change for better health.

What are my goals for losing the weight?
I want to look into the mirror and like how I look in the clothes. I want to feel comfortable in what I’m wearing.
I want to finally shed the weight of all the past reasons why I gained it. Those reasons aren’t valid anymore and I want to lose the weight to finally put it all to rest.

Other commitments that I’m making for myself this year –
To work the Dave Ramsey plan even harder in 2010 by getting a grip on those “extra” spendings that somehow just seem to occur. Cash if I have to.
To stay on top of my “to do” list. Really, is sitting in the chair at night watching stupid TV all that more relaxing than doing something productive? Productive doesn’t have to mean 3 hours of non-stop work. To encourage hubby to better health and not by nagging him.